Funny Football Quotes

[Recieved in an e-mail from Caroline B.]

"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money, and we don't have any."
Erk Russell/Georgia Southern.

"Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, beat Texas ."
Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.

"After you retire, there's only one big event left, and I ain't ready for that."
Bobby Bowden/Florida State

"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it."
Lou Holtz

"When you win, nothing hurts."
Joe Namath/Alabama

"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated."
Lou Holtz

"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
Frank Leahy/Notre Dame

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the heck kicked out of you."
Woody Hayes/Ohio State

"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."
Bob Devaney/Nebraska

"You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life."
Paul Dietzel/LSU

"It's kind of hard to rally around a math class."
Bear Bryant/Alabama
"No, but you can see it from here."
Lou Holtz/Arkansas

When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world, "I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game."
Bear Bryant/Alabama

"There's one sure way to stop us from scoring: Give us the ball near the goal line."
MattyBell/SMU

"Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died."
Frank Leahy/Notre Dame

"I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's."
Alex Karras/Iowa

"My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the balland arrive in a bad humor."
Bowden Wyatt/Tennessee

"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades."
Duffy Daugherty/Michigan State

"Always remember, Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David."
Shug Jordan/Auburn

"They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces."
Darrell Royal/Texas
"Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure."
Knute Rockne/Notre Dame

"They whipped us like a tied up goat."
Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: "Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren't any good."
Walt Garrison/Oklahoma State

"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
Bobby Bowden/Florida State

"Football is not a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport."
Duffy Daugherty/Michigan State

After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post game message to his team: "All those who need showers, take them."
John McKay/USC

"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education."
Murray Warmath/Minnesota

"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
Knute Rockne/Notre Dame

"Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon."
Spike Dykes/Texas Tech

"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it."
Knute Rockne/Notre Dame

"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
John McKay/USC

"Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad."
Darrell Royal/University of Texas

"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
Knute Rockne/Notre Dame

"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football."
John Heisman